The Talk

So on Saturday, before my convo with my Dad!! I had written a letter.. this letter explained my how I felt about a relationship direction with a good friend... A man I love..

I do love him, but honestly neither one of us are ready for a relationship and drawing out feelings for one another when neither one of us are ready will ultimately cause a downfall. I truly hope he will one day understand the reasoning behind me writing that letter.

Also to go along with that.. I do not know where his relationship with Christ is. If his relationship with Christ is not closer or at the same level as mine, a relationship with him will ultimately cause my relationship with Christ to diminish and will then ultimately ruin our relationship together. (Past experience)

To go along with that same point.. If my relationship with Christ is closer than my husbands it will cause me to become the head of the house... I will be ever encouraging him to draw closer and he will trust my descriptions above his own.
Not good. I want to know that my husband will be the head of our marriage, (making the final decisions) but allow for my input and ask it regularly. No I do not want a man to control me, and nor to I want a husband who thinks he needs my advice for every decision in our marriage. (that would be passive- reliant upon) As I said earlier I need a man who can make decision that lead us ever closer to the foot of the Cross.

That said, this letter needed to be spoken.

I hope one day maybe this good friend will be that man. I do not know. Regardless, I will always love him, but may not choose a life with him. God only knows what the future will bring.

My main hope and concern is that no man attempt to be a man that I would desire outside truthfulness and honesty. If you attempt to be a Godly man to become closer to me.. I pray that my family wards me off that unGodly path sooner than later. Amen. So Be It. Be It So.

So this is how the conversation went.. well the parts that matter..


Me says (6:55 PM):
... that was hot... I think I burnt my tounge..
Him says (6:56 PM):
aww
Him says (6:58 PM):
need me to kiss it and make it all better?
Me says (6:58 PM):
....
Him says (6:59 PM):
hehe
Me says (6:59 PM):
That would be a bad Idea..
Him says (7:00 PM):
why would you say that?
Me says (7:00 PM):
Because we both agree that it is not the right time for a relationship..
Me says (7:01 PM):
Honestly I think that encouraging those feelings is really dangerous right now.
Him says (7:01 PM):
maybe
Me says (7:02 PM):
how do you feel about it?
Him says (7:02 PM):
honestly? i don't know
Him says (7:02 PM):
there's a lot i don't know right now
Him says (7:03 PM):
my roomie is leaving in a month.. i don't know what i'm gonna do about this place
Him says (7:03 PM):
my job just plain doesn't pay enough, and i don't know what to do about that
Him says (7:03 PM):
i do know i love you... but i don't know what to do about it, if anything
Me says (7:04 PM):
k
Him says (7:05 PM):
k?
Me says (7:06 PM):
I don't know how to really reply.
Him says (7:06 PM):
say what you're think
Him says (7:06 PM):
ing*
Me says (7:07 PM):
I have thought about it a lot and know how I feel, but I don't think that will necessarraly help you.
timeshifter says (7:07 PM):
so tell me
Me says (7:08 PM):
give me a min.
Me says (7:16 PM):
hey let me answer that in a few min. my grandparents will be here in a min.
Him says (7:16 PM):
take your time.. no rush


== Back to finish..


Me says (8:19 PM):
There are sometimes I very much dislike telling people how I feel..
Him says (8:20 PM):
why?
Me says (8:20 PM):
but I love you and will do so anyway..
Me says (8:20 PM):
that statement and what I'm about to tell you will prolly confuse the crap out of you..

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
But the fact that the thoughts continue to arise and with wisdom from close friends whom I know truly care about me, this is what I feel needs to be said.

Him says (8:22 PM):
so spit it out
Me says (8:23 PM):
But the fact that the thoughts continye to arise and with wisdom from close friends whom I know truly care about me, this is what I feel needs to be said.
Me says (8:24 PM):
I wrote this on saturday and I'm going to break it up.
Me says (8:24 PM):
I don't know where your faith is and that scares me.
Mesays (8:25 PM):
I want to say that to start... Nor do I know what you believe when it comes down to things... So I hope that you will talk to me honestly about how you feel about the letter after I start and finish sending it.
Him says (8:26 PM):
k...
Me says (8:26 PM):
I need to let you go. We need to break the soul ties between us. I feel as if they are distracting both of us from the places God wants us to be at in this stage in each of our lives. I honestly do not know what will happen in either one of our futures, but in reality we both agree that in the present time neither one of us are ready for a committed relationship, but neither one of us has taken a
Me says (8:26 PM):
step to cease the dwelling feelings or emotions that tie us together. That is not good and needs to happen.
Me says (8:26 PM):
I can not leave my heart nor yours on hold. I feel that on the ride home our heart were awakened to the possibility of a future; and was then encouraged by one another, but it was awakened at the wrong time. Therefore it needs to be placed back in a dormant state. The only way that I believe this can be accomplished is by breaking the soul ties between us.
Me says (8:26 PM):
When God awakens our hearts within His will whether to one another or not, He will make it clear that it is His timing and is within His will.
Me says (8:27 PM):
God has promised me blessings beyond measure and I will not settle for less.

It would be wise that either one of us no longer discuss earthly desires to be intimate with the other, nor provoke those desire out of the other. All of these need to be cut off.
However, these can be replaced with a desire to encourage one another to walk in the ways of the Lord.



Me says (8:29 PM):
Please be honest with me....
Him says (8:29 PM):
k
Him says (8:30 PM):
i understand
Me says (8:31 PM):
what are you thinking?
Him says (8:32 PM):
didn't see it coming
Me says (8:32 PM):
... and...
Him says (8:34 PM):
ok
Him says (8:34 PM):
i don't know what else to say
Me says (8:36 PM):
I want the best for you. I feel that right now we are ultimately hurting eachother.
Me says (8:36 PM):
I don't know if you Love me or if you are in Love with me.
Him says (8:37 PM):
probably both
Me says (8:38 PM):
I think it would be best to stay friends for now and let God move the way he does.
Him says (8:38 PM):
--This was a smiley
Me says (8:38 PM):
-- one back
Me says (8:39 PM):
-- Hugging arms--
Him says (8:39 PM):
-- Hugging arms back--
Me says (8:39 PM):
-- another smile--



I honestly do not know how he feels about me writing this all out.. But truthfully this blog began as a place in which I could post my true feelings regardless of who read them. So I will choose to keep this mans name out of this blog to save face for him.


I very much appreciate the fact that he has been completly honest with me. Well at least to my knowledge. He has really no reason to lie to me and if he did I would have a few sources to verify things that didn't add up anyway..
Not that I even think I will ever have to. I have always trusted him.. Don't really know why.. I just do. That goes with the way I feel about him too.. I love him.. Don't really know why.. I just do.

But regardless.. It is far more important to me that my husband consistently has close fellowship with Christ our King and will actively invite me to be involved in an ever flowing walk with Christ as one body.