Okay.. so Ive been encouraged to write again.. I may as well write about the things my heart is considering and struggling with.
How to even start..
So my brother is getting married this weekend and I am going to be a part of his wedding. I am excited for the marriage but fighting my the reality of them living together before marriage, fully knowing that as a follower of Christ this is frowned upon.
My frustration goes further than this.. my parents allowed them to live under their roof together... Before marriage... My father is a Pastor!!!
I understand that my parents don't want to "push" Matthew away but having to attest to their actions before the throne of God will be much more a cause for concern..
This leads me back to the frustration that my parents did not confront me and dish out consequences when I was living a selfish life of sin.. I should have been kicked out of the house.. seriously.. My behavior was not acceptable..
Anyway this whole thing is bring up feelings of disappointment and cause me to wonder if my parents care more about maintain a "status quo friendly relationship" with my brother and I or do they actually care about the condition of our hearts making steps closer to Christ. Personally it feels like the former.. and that angers me. My relationship with them is crap compared to the questions form God I will attest to. Was there no warning??? Is that not the role of a parent...
I guess I really don't know.. Considering I have not been blessed to have that role..
Lord help me find contentment on this issue.. However please guard my heart from people who continue to tell me "Oh be happy where you are.." I don't want nor need that crap.. Lord you know my heart desires you, you know my heart desires to encourage a man and grow with him and raise a family. Lord you know many of my dreams have been wrapped around the desire for marriage.. You put them there!!
However Lord give me vision during this time that I feel lonely.. mend my heart of its pains and bitterness and help me to believe that you actually love me.. I've been dealt enough rejection, neglect and shafts. I know those are things you have not desired that I endure.. but Im struggling to see you for the loving, protecting, encouraging God that you are.. Wipe away the pain caused by men and show me your love.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Friday, January 21, 2011
Joy
Ok, so Jim asked me to write about how the Royal Oak Vineyard Church has impacted my life.
Im not much for writing and for some reason I can write more clearly when I write on a post of some type, so here we go.
When I moved to Michigan I was simply longing for God to give me some direction.. I recall taking a walk with Dad and him sharing the wisdom that God sometimes let us choose the next step and meet us down what ever path we choose.
An opportunity opened up to move here with a place to live and a job to get me going. Next my prayer was that God provide me with a Church that I could feel at home and apart of. I had done my College Internship with a Vineyard so I searched for one here.
I first visited on the day of the Aids Walk and one of the Members practically introduced me to the entire Church, then asked me to pray for her with some other people. So I did. Then she invited me to come to an event that was going on the next weekend and offered to pay for my ticket.. So I went.
When I came to the Vineyard Church I was broken hearted, searching for healing and someone to understand me. God sent people to grab me and show me his love.
God handed me a home to live in, then provided for me when my circumstances changed.
I have lived in Michigan now for 2 1/2 years and since being here God has given me 4 homes to live in, 5 jobs, a ton of friends, a restored hope and confidence in myself that was lost and shattered, A deeper understanding of my value along with the ability to change my opinions about myself, but the best steps that God has made with me have been those that have been closer to him.
Before God formed me in my mothers womb, he knew me and He consecrated me.
Jeremiah 1:5.
I can stand secure in who I am, because I am loved.
I now feel like I can actually be the random, singing down the streets, playing football, walking with Jesus, dancing for no reason Michelle that has been hidden beneath my skin.
Lord I want more of your Joy in my life.
It is what I have been missing.
Thanks for the gift.
Hugs
Im not much for writing and for some reason I can write more clearly when I write on a post of some type, so here we go.
When I moved to Michigan I was simply longing for God to give me some direction.. I recall taking a walk with Dad and him sharing the wisdom that God sometimes let us choose the next step and meet us down what ever path we choose.
An opportunity opened up to move here with a place to live and a job to get me going. Next my prayer was that God provide me with a Church that I could feel at home and apart of. I had done my College Internship with a Vineyard so I searched for one here.
I first visited on the day of the Aids Walk and one of the Members practically introduced me to the entire Church, then asked me to pray for her with some other people. So I did. Then she invited me to come to an event that was going on the next weekend and offered to pay for my ticket.. So I went.
When I came to the Vineyard Church I was broken hearted, searching for healing and someone to understand me. God sent people to grab me and show me his love.
God handed me a home to live in, then provided for me when my circumstances changed.
I have lived in Michigan now for 2 1/2 years and since being here God has given me 4 homes to live in, 5 jobs, a ton of friends, a restored hope and confidence in myself that was lost and shattered, A deeper understanding of my value along with the ability to change my opinions about myself, but the best steps that God has made with me have been those that have been closer to him.
Before God formed me in my mothers womb, he knew me and He consecrated me.
Jeremiah 1:5.
I can stand secure in who I am, because I am loved.
I now feel like I can actually be the random, singing down the streets, playing football, walking with Jesus, dancing for no reason Michelle that has been hidden beneath my skin.
Lord I want more of your Joy in my life.
It is what I have been missing.
Thanks for the gift.
Hugs
Friday, July 9, 2010
The new day
Lord I don't really know what you are working in my life right now.
I am having a difficult time understanding what it means to to be loved.
I have been experiencing a kindness that I have never known and it is difficult to not be critical about those showing this kindness.
I find it ironic that I will give kindness until I can no longer stand but I have a hard time accepting it.
God I dont feel as if I deserve your love and I know I dont. I want love but I don't know what healthy love looks like. I have attachment issues. If I feel cared about by someone I will attach myself to them and value their opinions and warp my life around those opinions. God I have a hard time with the abstract view of you as a husband. I dont do well with abstract ideas. I need help to see you this way.
How do I stop attaching myself to things? How to I communicate with you letting go of the raw feeings that I need to decipher?
I dont know what to write and often times giving up simply sounds nice.
I dont want to do that Lord, I need some help. I know you have been giving it to me I just feel like I need to see our relationship in a different light. "O ye of little faith... I know I know I guess I dont have much to be asking for a sign...
Then again I am broken and crying.
I am having a difficult time understanding what it means to to be loved.
I have been experiencing a kindness that I have never known and it is difficult to not be critical about those showing this kindness.
I find it ironic that I will give kindness until I can no longer stand but I have a hard time accepting it.
God I dont feel as if I deserve your love and I know I dont. I want love but I don't know what healthy love looks like. I have attachment issues. If I feel cared about by someone I will attach myself to them and value their opinions and warp my life around those opinions. God I have a hard time with the abstract view of you as a husband. I dont do well with abstract ideas. I need help to see you this way.
How do I stop attaching myself to things? How to I communicate with you letting go of the raw feeings that I need to decipher?
I dont know what to write and often times giving up simply sounds nice.
I dont want to do that Lord, I need some help. I know you have been giving it to me I just feel like I need to see our relationship in a different light. "O ye of little faith... I know I know I guess I dont have much to be asking for a sign...
Then again I am broken and crying.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Jericho and Valley of Ancor
So now Joshua is following Gods orders to march around the city of Jericho..
Not to fight but to march..
- I find it interesting that Joshua also told the Israelite's not to talk. They are not allowed to express their opinions about walking around a building. But they are to listen to directions.. Maybe even to God.. who may just in fact be confirming to the people as well that He is God and will deliver them..
But then what about the city of Jericho.. What could possibly be going through their minds.. The have these so-called Children of God walking around their city that have claimed that God will cause the city to fall to its knees.. The towns people are already afraid of the Isrealite's and have heard of the things God has done through them in the past. We know this because they attempted to chase after the Israelite spies and the woman Rahab they stayed with expressed the fear of the city.
Well we know that the People of Isrelite kept their mouths shut and the city fell to it knees.
How hard is it to just be quite and follow the Lord.. to simply watch Him do miracles through our obedience..
I'll let you ponder that one.
Not to fight but to march..
- I find it interesting that Joshua also told the Israelite's not to talk. They are not allowed to express their opinions about walking around a building. But they are to listen to directions.. Maybe even to God.. who may just in fact be confirming to the people as well that He is God and will deliver them..
But then what about the city of Jericho.. What could possibly be going through their minds.. The have these so-called Children of God walking around their city that have claimed that God will cause the city to fall to its knees.. The towns people are already afraid of the Isrealite's and have heard of the things God has done through them in the past. We know this because they attempted to chase after the Israelite spies and the woman Rahab they stayed with expressed the fear of the city.
Well we know that the People of Isrelite kept their mouths shut and the city fell to it knees.
How hard is it to just be quite and follow the Lord.. to simply watch Him do miracles through our obedience..
I'll let you ponder that one.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Joshua - faith and miracles.
I sit here amazed at the faith of Joshua, knowing and understanding that God is his shield protector and rock.
A while back I was sitting in my small group discussing the deep details of the old testament and how authors have tried to teach these things to children. Well I find it intriguing that really parents taught their children to memorize the old testament and we are afraid to even share the truth of it.
This insight led me to question why are we as adults afraid to share these things with our kids? Is it out of our own insecurities? Our own discomfort or even disbelief...
So in the passage I just finished reading Joshua is commanded by God. Well first off, what a privileged. That God would love man enough to give him direct directions..
For the majority of those who love God, we still have not been privileged to this amazing opportunity.. I wonder why is this?
Well first lets ask.. how was it that Joshua was appointed to his role in the first place.
As Moses' apprentice, Joshua was a major figure in all the events of the Exodus. He accompanied Moses part of the way when he ascended Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments (Exd. 32:17). He was one of the twelve spies who were sent on by Moses to explore the land of Canaan (Num. 13:16, 17), and only he and Caleb gave an encouraging report, a reward for which would be that only these two of the spies would enter the promised land (Num 14:23-24). He was commander at their first battle after exiting Egypt, against the Amalekites in Rephidim (Ex. 17:8-16), in which they were victorious. ~~ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua
So Joshua, an apprentice of Moses, he was very likely to have been a man that Moses talked with frequently about the way that God had set before them. So it really makes sense that God would have Moses appoint a man who had been been shown and taught to hear and bear witness to will of God.
So is this why we as everyday people are not assigned to take on these miraculous fetes? Or are we really just not listening?
Could God be calling us into miracles?
Well then the question here stands.. Would a God of our universe send a son to perform what we would inevitably call a miracle and then bluntly tell us to go and make disciples.. and also that we have the power to cast out sickness in the name of Jesus and He desires that we do so.
18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28: 18-20
15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
19After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
-- Mark 16 :15-19
So do we have the passage to perform miracles. Yes. For by actions will those around us know that we are called children of God.
A while back I was sitting in my small group discussing the deep details of the old testament and how authors have tried to teach these things to children. Well I find it intriguing that really parents taught their children to memorize the old testament and we are afraid to even share the truth of it.
This insight led me to question why are we as adults afraid to share these things with our kids? Is it out of our own insecurities? Our own discomfort or even disbelief...
So in the passage I just finished reading Joshua is commanded by God. Well first off, what a privileged. That God would love man enough to give him direct directions..
For the majority of those who love God, we still have not been privileged to this amazing opportunity.. I wonder why is this?
Well first lets ask.. how was it that Joshua was appointed to his role in the first place.
As Moses' apprentice, Joshua was a major figure in all the events of the Exodus. He accompanied Moses part of the way when he ascended Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments (Exd. 32:17). He was one of the twelve spies who were sent on by Moses to explore the land of Canaan (Num. 13:16, 17), and only he and Caleb gave an encouraging report, a reward for which would be that only these two of the spies would enter the promised land (Num 14:23-24). He was commander at their first battle after exiting Egypt, against the Amalekites in Rephidim (Ex. 17:8-16), in which they were victorious. ~~ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua
So Joshua, an apprentice of Moses, he was very likely to have been a man that Moses talked with frequently about the way that God had set before them. So it really makes sense that God would have Moses appoint a man who had been been shown and taught to hear and bear witness to will of God.
So is this why we as everyday people are not assigned to take on these miraculous fetes? Or are we really just not listening?
Could God be calling us into miracles?
Well then the question here stands.. Would a God of our universe send a son to perform what we would inevitably call a miracle and then bluntly tell us to go and make disciples.. and also that we have the power to cast out sickness in the name of Jesus and He desires that we do so.
18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." - Matthew 28: 18-20
15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
19After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
-- Mark 16 :15-19
So do we have the passage to perform miracles. Yes. For by actions will those around us know that we are called children of God.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wowie
So tonight I went to Church.. I love Church. Wowie did God speak to me tonight.. There were so many things tonight.
But Last week at Church the pastor talked about making declarations and annointings.
He reminded us that "The same annointing you have recieved remains within you"!
Wow..
Then "If you go stand and declare, I will back you up"!
Keeping that these things are declared in the name and will of Jesus.
Then to add that "Any and all hinderances that Satan attempts to bind over me have been cast out and lifted from me."
Durring the ending prayer of This > last weeks service I continued to see the picture of and feel a box over my head and shoulders that was locked upon me and I could not lift.
So after the service I had the Pastor pray it be lifted. And it was.. :)
So this week we had a guest speaker I don't recall his name but wowie powerful..
He spoke about the power of radio waves and music, he brought up the point that before satan was cast out from the heavens that he was a lead worshiper.. He used music to decieve and sway a third of the angels to follow him..
This totally explains why I am so influenced by the music I listen to.. Satan controls a large part of it.. I let that into my mind.. thus allowing Satan to have influence on my thoughts...
A few years ago I wrote a paper on the power of music but only after I spent an entire year getting myself unaddicted to noise... Trust me it wasn't easy. I went one week with music/ entertainment and one week with - as long as it was positive...
After this experiment I realized that my attitude began to change. I could hear God speaking to me during my weeks of and also during my weeks on because I was filling the time with positive messages.
Anyway The speaker also posed a few questions to us.
First off... What am I afraid of that I don't allow myself to draw close to God?
~ what a good question..
I know some of the things that God has planned for my future and I very much look forward to them but I find myself stuck in the here and now as if I'm waiting for Him to give me the go light.
Then he moved on the explination of different frequencies of radio waves.. Expaining that all to often we find ouselves on the am station.. It works but it is a poor quality.. We hear God but allow there to be static..
Why are we afraid to take the faith and let go of our budgets and move up to fm (in the sense that we own the station and are expanding) Yes it costs more but it is a more solid connection with Christ! --- Do we not want this???
It is time to expand the radio dial and move out of the "safety" frequency.
Later he also posed another question..
Am I what I've been through or Am I what I'm becoming?
~ Meaning am I letting the past decide who I am in the present.
Pushing on to say that I need to value myself the way that God values me.
>>>> Totally a Kudos to Nic... Love you man.. I do need to see myself as a pleasing sight to my God and others. I am a beautiful creation in the eyes of my beholder. Now I need to continually convince myself of this truth. I am choosing to accept this now. (Don't let me forget this or fall backwards)
I am also standing for the fact that I need to write my dreams and visions more often to keep them clear in my mind.
Also I need to step out and uncover the areas of my life where passiveness have taken control of me..
These being Reading my Bible and remaining healthy..also tracking my finances.. Three that have been revealed to me anyway...
I am choosing to take a step to say that Satan you have no control to keep me passive in these areas of my life. I am standing up for myself in that God will back me up.. This is a declaration I am becoming active..
One of the other things this speaker spoke about is looking like a fool..
Well I don't care if I look like an idiot. I know my heart.. I know my God.. If you don't know me well, well you don't know me well.. if this is so you have no idea where I am in life therefor you have no right to interject an opinion over the things that God is revealing to me.. Or even the fact that God talks to me in the first place.. You don't have to believe that He talks to me.. I know He does and that is that.
So in this case I do look like a fool for believing in a God that speaks to me that so many become offended by.. When they dont even believe He exists in the first place..
Now tell me if you believed God exists why are you not talking to Him.. More-so if you do believe and are questioning Him talking to me... are you really sure that you have truly accepted Christ?? If so I am positive there would be no hope for denying His existence...
You have you just denied passage of God's spirit to infiltrate your soul... This would cause you to be unable to hear God speaking to you..
Just a thought to chew on..
Anyway, what I got from tonight was an amazing enlightenment to what God is truly doing in my life. I need to take the steps of Faith ~ "Steps that come to take us into the next dimension" ( we are 3 dimensional and God is in the 4th dimension. ) Walking by faith takes us into the 4th dimension.
I want to remain consistently in the 4th dimension.. this requires actively taking steps of faith and continually seeking out opportunities for God's love to be shared. I need help on this.. Please encourage me!
With all these things. Please encourage me. Wowie God is good.
~With Love
Michelle
But Last week at Church the pastor talked about making declarations and annointings.
He reminded us that "The same annointing you have recieved remains within you"!
Wow..
Then "If you go stand and declare, I will back you up"!
Keeping that these things are declared in the name and will of Jesus.
Then to add that "Any and all hinderances that Satan attempts to bind over me have been cast out and lifted from me."
Durring the ending prayer of This > last weeks service I continued to see the picture of and feel a box over my head and shoulders that was locked upon me and I could not lift.
So after the service I had the Pastor pray it be lifted. And it was.. :)
So this week we had a guest speaker I don't recall his name but wowie powerful..
He spoke about the power of radio waves and music, he brought up the point that before satan was cast out from the heavens that he was a lead worshiper.. He used music to decieve and sway a third of the angels to follow him..
This totally explains why I am so influenced by the music I listen to.. Satan controls a large part of it.. I let that into my mind.. thus allowing Satan to have influence on my thoughts...
A few years ago I wrote a paper on the power of music but only after I spent an entire year getting myself unaddicted to noise... Trust me it wasn't easy. I went one week with music/ entertainment and one week with - as long as it was positive...
After this experiment I realized that my attitude began to change. I could hear God speaking to me during my weeks of and also during my weeks on because I was filling the time with positive messages.
Anyway The speaker also posed a few questions to us.
First off... What am I afraid of that I don't allow myself to draw close to God?
~ what a good question..
I know some of the things that God has planned for my future and I very much look forward to them but I find myself stuck in the here and now as if I'm waiting for Him to give me the go light.
Then he moved on the explination of different frequencies of radio waves.. Expaining that all to often we find ouselves on the am station.. It works but it is a poor quality.. We hear God but allow there to be static..
Why are we afraid to take the faith and let go of our budgets and move up to fm (in the sense that we own the station and are expanding) Yes it costs more but it is a more solid connection with Christ! --- Do we not want this???
It is time to expand the radio dial and move out of the "safety" frequency.
Later he also posed another question..
Am I what I've been through or Am I what I'm becoming?
~ Meaning am I letting the past decide who I am in the present.
Pushing on to say that I need to value myself the way that God values me.
>>>> Totally a Kudos to Nic... Love you man.. I do need to see myself as a pleasing sight to my God and others. I am a beautiful creation in the eyes of my beholder. Now I need to continually convince myself of this truth. I am choosing to accept this now. (Don't let me forget this or fall backwards)
I am also standing for the fact that I need to write my dreams and visions more often to keep them clear in my mind.
Also I need to step out and uncover the areas of my life where passiveness have taken control of me..
These being Reading my Bible and remaining healthy..also tracking my finances.. Three that have been revealed to me anyway...
I am choosing to take a step to say that Satan you have no control to keep me passive in these areas of my life. I am standing up for myself in that God will back me up.. This is a declaration I am becoming active..
One of the other things this speaker spoke about is looking like a fool..
Well I don't care if I look like an idiot. I know my heart.. I know my God.. If you don't know me well, well you don't know me well.. if this is so you have no idea where I am in life therefor you have no right to interject an opinion over the things that God is revealing to me.. Or even the fact that God talks to me in the first place.. You don't have to believe that He talks to me.. I know He does and that is that.
So in this case I do look like a fool for believing in a God that speaks to me that so many become offended by.. When they dont even believe He exists in the first place..
Now tell me if you believed God exists why are you not talking to Him.. More-so if you do believe and are questioning Him talking to me... are you really sure that you have truly accepted Christ?? If so I am positive there would be no hope for denying His existence...
You have you just denied passage of God's spirit to infiltrate your soul... This would cause you to be unable to hear God speaking to you..
Just a thought to chew on..
Anyway, what I got from tonight was an amazing enlightenment to what God is truly doing in my life. I need to take the steps of Faith ~ "Steps that come to take us into the next dimension" ( we are 3 dimensional and God is in the 4th dimension. ) Walking by faith takes us into the 4th dimension.
I want to remain consistently in the 4th dimension.. this requires actively taking steps of faith and continually seeking out opportunities for God's love to be shared. I need help on this.. Please encourage me!
With all these things. Please encourage me. Wowie God is good.
~With Love
Michelle
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Finding God in Me...
So I just had an interesting revelation..
Listening to music.. Imagine that. God speaks through music.
The last month or two has been interesting in the aspect of my emotions and my heart reaching out to another but yet pulling back and praying about the circumstances and coming to a point where I realize that actually putting my heart out in this circumstance would be devastating to me and the other involved.
Praise God first of all for that revelation.
But that's not the recent revelation.
Yesterday this person said something that just hit me now..
I've questioned whether or not this is the case, but this particular things makes me feel that my suspicion is yet being confirmed.
So yesterday I got a few text messages from this person.
other person says (9:43 AM)
Michelle .. I fee; like I'm falling apart.. My life is going great, but something very important is missing.. 12:50
Me
Seek out the thing thats missing. 12:53
other person says (9:43 AM)
It wasn't missing when I was with you... 1:01
Me
Have you talked to your pastor about it? 1:04
other person says 9:43 AM)
My answer to that question hasnt changed 1:05
Me
I dont know how to reply. 1:16
other person says (9:43 AM)
Youve asked me that question 3 times this week.. I live three cities away from church. Its not the kind of situation where I can just go whenever I want
1:16
Me
I wouldnt know that 1:18
Me
all I know is that would be who I would turn to 1:19
other person says (9:43 AM)
yeah well.. the guy id prefer turn to hasnt been around lately. 1:23
Thats where the convo ended.
I care about this person but I feel that he is trying to find something thats missing through me. It seems that He knows I have something and he felt it when he was with me, and is being tricked to think that the thing he is missing is me.
Its not. It Jesus. Jesus has so infiltrated my life that he was able to feel closer to Jesus when he was with me.
Out of love I cannot let him live his life through me.
The song Found by Hillsong United
Verse 1
Amazing love
Now what else shall I need
Your name brings life
It's more than the air I breathe
Verse 2
My world was changed
When Your love You gave for me
My purpose found
And all that You want for me
Chorus
And I found myself in You
And I found myself in You
Verse 3
Amazing love
Now what else shall I need
Your name brings life
It's more than the air I breathe
Bridge
Take me to a place
Where I can see You face to face
And all I want to do
All I want to do
Is worship You
I feel like he is trying to find God through me.
I pray he will one day understand why I am saying no.
Lord help him truly know that it is You he needs and not me.
I love you Jesus. Come to me in Your ways unknown.
Amen. So Be It. Be It So.
~Michelle
Listening to music.. Imagine that. God speaks through music.
The last month or two has been interesting in the aspect of my emotions and my heart reaching out to another but yet pulling back and praying about the circumstances and coming to a point where I realize that actually putting my heart out in this circumstance would be devastating to me and the other involved.
Praise God first of all for that revelation.
But that's not the recent revelation.
Yesterday this person said something that just hit me now..
I've questioned whether or not this is the case, but this particular things makes me feel that my suspicion is yet being confirmed.
So yesterday I got a few text messages from this person.
other person says (9:43 AM)
Michelle .. I fee; like I'm falling apart.. My life is going great, but something very important is missing.. 12:50
Me
Seek out the thing thats missing. 12:53
other person says (9:43 AM)
It wasn't missing when I was with you... 1:01
Me
Have you talked to your pastor about it? 1:04
other person says 9:43 AM)
My answer to that question hasnt changed 1:05
Me
I dont know how to reply. 1:16
other person says (9:43 AM)
Youve asked me that question 3 times this week.. I live three cities away from church. Its not the kind of situation where I can just go whenever I want
1:16
Me
I wouldnt know that 1:18
Me
all I know is that would be who I would turn to 1:19
other person says (9:43 AM)
yeah well.. the guy id prefer turn to hasnt been around lately. 1:23
Thats where the convo ended.
I care about this person but I feel that he is trying to find something thats missing through me. It seems that He knows I have something and he felt it when he was with me, and is being tricked to think that the thing he is missing is me.
Its not. It Jesus. Jesus has so infiltrated my life that he was able to feel closer to Jesus when he was with me.
Out of love I cannot let him live his life through me.
The song Found by Hillsong United
Verse 1
Amazing love
Now what else shall I need
Your name brings life
It's more than the air I breathe
Verse 2
My world was changed
When Your love You gave for me
My purpose found
And all that You want for me
Chorus
And I found myself in You
And I found myself in You
Verse 3
Amazing love
Now what else shall I need
Your name brings life
It's more than the air I breathe
Bridge
Take me to a place
Where I can see You face to face
And all I want to do
All I want to do
Is worship You
I feel like he is trying to find God through me.
I pray he will one day understand why I am saying no.
Lord help him truly know that it is You he needs and not me.
I love you Jesus. Come to me in Your ways unknown.
Amen. So Be It. Be It So.
~Michelle
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