Lord I don't really know what you are working in my life right now.
I am having a difficult time understanding what it means to to be loved.
I have been experiencing a kindness that I have never known and it is difficult to not be critical about those showing this kindness.
I find it ironic that I will give kindness until I can no longer stand but I have a hard time accepting it.
God I dont feel as if I deserve your love and I know I dont. I want love but I don't know what healthy love looks like. I have attachment issues. If I feel cared about by someone I will attach myself to them and value their opinions and warp my life around those opinions. God I have a hard time with the abstract view of you as a husband. I dont do well with abstract ideas. I need help to see you this way.
How do I stop attaching myself to things? How to I communicate with you letting go of the raw feeings that I need to decipher?
I dont know what to write and often times giving up simply sounds nice.
I dont want to do that Lord, I need some help. I know you have been giving it to me I just feel like I need to see our relationship in a different light. "O ye of little faith... I know I know I guess I dont have much to be asking for a sign...
Then again I am broken and crying.
