So the question arises...
Are we to take the bible literally?
Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.~ Matthew 5:37 ~ NIV
With that how would you respond to this next statement Jesus makes? How do I respond.. Not always the way I should..
Anyway. A question to ponder..
27-30"To you who are ready for the truth, I say this: Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. If someone slaps you in the face, stand there and take it. If someone grabs your shirt, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. If someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.
31-34"Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
35-36"I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.
37-38"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."
39-40He quoted a proverb: "'Can a blind man guide a blind man?' Wouldn't they both end up in the ditch? An apprentice doesn't lecture the master. The point is to be careful who you follow as your teacher.
41-42"It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. ~ Luke 6: 27-42 ~ The Message
We are supposed to pray for those who hurt us.. for those that frustrate us.. get on our nerves...
How well do we really handle people who are hard to love? Do we take the time to pray for them and love them or are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we hold our hands in front of our own eyes.. blocking out any ability to see God's love for that so-called difficult to love person? Who is to say that that person is not an angel in disguise?
Has anyone ever called you an angel?
Why not?
Moving on..
If someone slaps you.. Take it.
Wow.. don't we in reality get defensive and attempt to gain justice by force...
If you are being abused, you need to get out but do not take vengeance. God tells us plainly "Vengeance is mine"
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. ~ Romans 12:19-21 (Not Positive)
Help and give without expecting a return. -- This is truly a calling on our lives. We are to be servants.
Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."
--- I want to live a generous life. There is no need to be critical of others, only to encourage others to seek out their relationship with the Lord.
What? Is there something more important?
Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
--- Who do we honestly think we are? We are no better than anyone else.. we are all sinners. Some of us redeemed by grace.. others on their way to finding grace..
Why should we judge (hinder) anyone for lack of faith in Christ when maybe God has not completly revealed Himself to that person yet... Why do we judge?
God is working in everyone.. not everyone except you..
Alright..
So a friend of mine left a tag on her facebook that I found very profound.
"The longer you think, the less you know what to do."
I can't get over how true that is.. Its the most profound thing I have come across all day..
Its like so true..
I know there are some things I need to do and the longer I wait the harder it gets.. but at the same time it doesn't seem as if it is the right time to do them... then it gets harder...
Vicious circle.
Lord help me know your timing for these things.
Amen
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm really glad I started writing this!
So its been a while...
Hmm.. an update..
I had a really great convo with my dad today..
Its been absolutely amazing to be witness to a change in the way my father and I have communicated in the past couple years.
I absolutely love it. After talking with him today I feel as if I am again the little girl who used to follow him around wanting him to hold me. I love that feeling and have longed for it for many years. I love my dad.
Its amazing to see what a broken relationship we used to have.. I felt so unloved and rejected quite often.. He hardly talked to be and when he did it always seemed he was telling me not to do something I felt was right... or at least not bad.. I always wanted to help people.. Yea sometimes it put me in uncomfortable situations and I know that worried him..
Today he told me that he could be worried over Matt and I in what has happened in our pasts but it would be useless.. All that matters is what direction we are headed.
It is so true.. I wish we would have agreed on these things earlier in life..
More-so I find it amazing to see my dad becoming more relational with me.. He’s begun sharing more of his insecurities with me.. Over the last 5 years I have realized how much of my families lives I have missed out on..
5 years ago my mother acquired a very rare disease in which her bottom lip swelled up and her throat swelled closed.. The doctors were not sure if they were connected.. but regardless they were puzzled.. We were afraid my mother’s life was drawing to a close. It scared the crap out of me.. I had never before thought about how my life would change without my parents.
How would I handle it?
It make me think that if something were to happen to Mom, I would have a bigger responsibility to take care of Matt.. when neither one of us really got along well with dad.. Matt was my baby.. I love that boy.. anyone touch him be fair warned...
Then if something happened to both mom and dad.. then what...
I would be almost done with school and would try and finish it out at Janesville leaving my brother to move to Kansas City with my uncle.. No I didn’t want to loose my brother.. I decided I would show him even more love.. I cared I want to know that he knows I love him. And better yet I want him to follow his dreams and want him to know that I am here when he gets knocked down..
As for my parents.. Well we were on shaky ground.. I loved them, but really only talked to them when they told me to do something.. and well Matt and I both pretty much ignored them.. (we were not very good at honoring our mother and father) (we also didn't get disciplined for it either)
There were a few things in my past that had told me my parents loved me, but I craved to know in an ever present way.. So what better way then to start loving them in a visual way first.. Find out what makes them feel loved..
One of the first big turn arounds came after I finished reading a book.. Not sure exactly which one it was.. I may have blogged about it years ago.. who knows.. but in this book it talked about inviting your parents to be a part of your love story. I found this very fascinating and after reading the stories in the book it made me truly want my parents to be involved in my relationships. So after mustering up as much courage as I had (remeber we had a broken relationship at the time) I took my parents out for dinner and talked to them about the concept.. I wanted them to be involved and I wanted their approval.
I mean hey, what more could a parent ask for then to have a teenager want their opinion...
Unfortunately.. Later I didn’t really ask for their advice about a relationship and got my heart broken.. but that’s a different story..
but slowly and surely my relationship with my parents began to strengthen :)
I recall one day asking my mother why she read so many romance novels...
I mustered up the courage to tell her it concerned me that she was building up a false reality and false expectations of her relationship with dad and it concerned me.
now a few years later.. she still reads romance novels but the one that are not filled with so many false hopes.. But I'm still praying about that one... I hope one day she will be the one I turn to with questions about the Bible. With the amount of reading she does... Wow.. She would know so much very quickly..
Then there was the day that I could not ever deny again the thought that my Mother did not love me...It was a day of Gods intervention.. I was have some really tough self-esteem issues and just had to get away, so I grabbed my guitar and my binder of music and headed off to a park just past Waverly..
When I got there my emotions continued to get the best of me and I ended up in sobs..
I called my mom searching desperately for God and hope..
Mom told me to "Shut Up" ... at first I was like what.. then she continued.. "You are my daughter and you are valuable" Shut Up! Stop it. You are valuable" ... Or something to that affect.. For the first time in my life.. aside from a time when I was a freshman my mother started crying after something she found out I was doing.. but I knew that she loved me..
She cared enough to tell me to Shut Up.
... I sobbed even more...
In a later conversation my mother also told me that she would love me and be there for me no matter what the situation.. Even if I had gotten drunk and needed help or ended up coming home pregnant she would be there...
Wow.. Mom really loved me.. :)
After those happenings I spent 3 months in Tennessee (summer 07) and well almost every time I talked to mom I was in tears.. I was in a relationship at the time and it kept going well then bad.. I missed him desperately and was frustrated because I had though we would have been married or at least engaged by then and didnt understand why he was not committed... talk about frustrating.. (that relationship is over now and he is married to another.. long story short.. he didn't waste much time)
During that time I began to see Mom as more of a friend. :)
So now Mom and I get along well.. how about me and Dad?... well not so much..
Dad and mostly argued about Matt and Church theology..
I thought Dad needed to make more time to spend with Matthew.. I knew that spending time with Dad made me feel loved and assumed it would with Matt too..
After a night going to youth group after Chris broke up with me I learned that Matt primary love language is quality time.. He told me that it was really nice spending more time with me.. (Chris was no longer around... I was in pieces and leaned on Matt to help me through the youth group I was leading)
Matt liked spending time with me.. Quality Time... then his other is Physical Touch.. he sits on me all the time.. which is ok, because we share the same love languages.. :) I understand my bro.
So I would try and explain Matt's love language to my Dad and encourage him to spend more time with him... most of the time I was frustrated by the end of the night because it felt like I was being ignored.. When he complained about the things that Matt does.. Like taking about pieces of the Jimmy.. Matt loves working on cars.. Dad would rather spend tons of money to have it fixed instead of letting Matt tinker with it and see if he could fix it..
I wanted Dad to encourage Matt to continue doing something he liked... Aeromechanics’.. despite how much Dad hated the idea.. I reasoned it would really show him you love and support him..
So dad and I argued..
Then a bit after Chris broke up with me I moved in with a friend in Waverly.. one night Dad and I were taking a walk around Waverly and I was really down about having my heart ripped out and then stabbed.. I think this was around the time that I learned he was engaged.. (about 2 months after breaking up with me) I was having a really hard time with it and well Dad doesn’t handle emotions very well.
He took me bowling... to avoid talking about it...
Well now after counseling.. yes I broke down and went to counseling.. Its really not bad.. I liked my counselor.. :) She loved having me come in and share my updates..
I was also very attentive in getting help from my Church.. Yes God lined that one up.. Thank you for giving me a caring Church before that all happened.. You are a wonderful God.
As you can see I very much dislike pain and wanted it to end ASAP... So I took every measure to figure out why this happened and how.. If I feel as if I'm being ignored.. I typically address the situation and want to discuss it.. (I felt ignored a lot by Chris) (he didn't seem to want to talk much either) (double the frustration)
Anyway back to Dad.. He took me bowling...
I knew my Dad was very bad about talking about emotional things.. but really..
Eh.. After getting to a point where I was drawing closer and closer to God and gaining more healing things went better.
Then a turning point for me with Dad was on my birthday.. He got me roses and a card.. I thought they were from Mom until she corrected me.
They were from Dad????? my Dad????? Wow...
Dad really does care.. He loves me. :)
Then a few things happened that I left my Dad out of for sake of saving ourselves from arguing about it..
These had to do with religion.. So my mothers side of the family believes in keeping the Sabbath (Saturday) the also do not eat "unclean meats" and also celebrate many of the festivals recorded in the Old Testament.. one of them being the Feast of Tabernacles..
I had always felt a separation between my immediate family and my mothers family and it frustrated me.. I wanted to know what the differences were and decided for myself if they were truly biblical or not..
I knew that my father had gone through a similar debate when he was seeking after my mother.. and I didn't want to argue about it..
Then I had also been considering moving to Detroit to help out my aunt and uncle with their children and to better understand their beliefs. I didn’t think this would go over very well with dad, so I didn’t talk about it much with him.. I talked to Mom.. I knew she would support me.
I knew Dad trusted me, but I also knew he was concerned for my well-being and my relationship with Christ..
He proved this to me when I got to Detroit by telling me to be careful that what Moms family believe was not what he had determined to be truth.. (something very similar to that)
Wow.. Dad cares.. and he Understands..
Then a phone conversation with my Dad arises from a question I pose to him about Spiritual Warfare.. It turns into at least an hour conversation about the logistical workings of the battle occurring in the heavenly realms concerning our spirits and more particularly the battle that takes place in the mind.. (The battlefield of the mind --Joyce Meyers -- Check it out..)
Ok.. so I can talk with Dad again about important faith based topics..
We also talked about the differences in how Mom's family saw things and compared them to our own personal beliefs.. Dad and I are very similar.. despite his more traditional view and my more charismatic view.. (Regardless I find myself sounding more like him everyday.. ) (Lord Willing)
Then Christmas time comes.. I meet up with a friend of mine from Mass.. and we go back to Iowa together.. Some very deep and personal things are on my heart and I know that God wants me to be an open book with my family.. God had confirmed that in many ways..
So leading up to my arrival home... I let my family know that I want to talk with them when I get there.. I am terrified that my family will not react well to the news I bring.. the Honest truth of an attack of Satan and my decision to ignore Gods warning signs..
So I muster the courage yet again to be honest with my family.. And I am completely dumbfounded by the results.. and it draws my family even closer..
But to my shock it also opens a door for my Father to be more emotional with me.. or so it seems. He understands my hurt and despair..
So now I'm back in Detroit.. and today my Father randomly calls me..
He seems to be in a very pleasant mood.. he seems happy.. and it also seems that he has really no reason to call.. which is not odd, but is odd for Dad at the same time.. but even more odd is that he seems unusually happy...
Of course I am thrilled to hear his voice.. even more thrilled to hear him sound happy!! and to make it even better.. Dad and I even start talking about Relationships...... Wait... yes I said Relationships!!! Wow... Dad talking about relationships... (Who are you and what have you done with my Dad??)
He even talked about a past relationship and why he broke it off.. Mainly because he saw that God was not part of their relationship and they rarely talked about the importance of God being the center of their relationship.. nor did they go to Church together.. the foundation of their relationship was build on sand and he knew it would crumble..
Now there I could relate... Wait a min... I can relate to my Dad... about a relationship...
This pointed out another reason my relationship with Chris failed.. He didn’t seem to care about us going to Church together.. he found one he liked and didn’t even ask my opinion about it.. (I saw underlying reasons why he liked it but that’s a different story.. and no longer needs to be discussed..)
But it was really nice again to be able to go back to the very beginning with my father.. back to the first thing that began the restoration process between my parents and I.. Inviting them into my love story.. They are very much a part of it.. and I love them for it.
Dad and I were able to talk today about things that are important to me. First off that my husband have a closer relationship with Christ than I do.. well the rest will follow suit.. and don't necessarily need to be discussed..
I love my Dad and I know my love story will be an amazing one. :)
Amen-- So be it -- Be it so.
Family, I love you!
Hmm.. an update..
I had a really great convo with my dad today..
Its been absolutely amazing to be witness to a change in the way my father and I have communicated in the past couple years.
I absolutely love it. After talking with him today I feel as if I am again the little girl who used to follow him around wanting him to hold me. I love that feeling and have longed for it for many years. I love my dad.
Its amazing to see what a broken relationship we used to have.. I felt so unloved and rejected quite often.. He hardly talked to be and when he did it always seemed he was telling me not to do something I felt was right... or at least not bad.. I always wanted to help people.. Yea sometimes it put me in uncomfortable situations and I know that worried him..
Today he told me that he could be worried over Matt and I in what has happened in our pasts but it would be useless.. All that matters is what direction we are headed.
It is so true.. I wish we would have agreed on these things earlier in life..
More-so I find it amazing to see my dad becoming more relational with me.. He’s begun sharing more of his insecurities with me.. Over the last 5 years I have realized how much of my families lives I have missed out on..
5 years ago my mother acquired a very rare disease in which her bottom lip swelled up and her throat swelled closed.. The doctors were not sure if they were connected.. but regardless they were puzzled.. We were afraid my mother’s life was drawing to a close. It scared the crap out of me.. I had never before thought about how my life would change without my parents.
How would I handle it?
It make me think that if something were to happen to Mom, I would have a bigger responsibility to take care of Matt.. when neither one of us really got along well with dad.. Matt was my baby.. I love that boy.. anyone touch him be fair warned...
Then if something happened to both mom and dad.. then what...
I would be almost done with school and would try and finish it out at Janesville leaving my brother to move to Kansas City with my uncle.. No I didn’t want to loose my brother.. I decided I would show him even more love.. I cared I want to know that he knows I love him. And better yet I want him to follow his dreams and want him to know that I am here when he gets knocked down..
As for my parents.. Well we were on shaky ground.. I loved them, but really only talked to them when they told me to do something.. and well Matt and I both pretty much ignored them.. (we were not very good at honoring our mother and father) (we also didn't get disciplined for it either)
There were a few things in my past that had told me my parents loved me, but I craved to know in an ever present way.. So what better way then to start loving them in a visual way first.. Find out what makes them feel loved..
One of the first big turn arounds came after I finished reading a book.. Not sure exactly which one it was.. I may have blogged about it years ago.. who knows.. but in this book it talked about inviting your parents to be a part of your love story. I found this very fascinating and after reading the stories in the book it made me truly want my parents to be involved in my relationships. So after mustering up as much courage as I had (remeber we had a broken relationship at the time) I took my parents out for dinner and talked to them about the concept.. I wanted them to be involved and I wanted their approval.
I mean hey, what more could a parent ask for then to have a teenager want their opinion...
Unfortunately.. Later I didn’t really ask for their advice about a relationship and got my heart broken.. but that’s a different story..
but slowly and surely my relationship with my parents began to strengthen :)
I recall one day asking my mother why she read so many romance novels...
I mustered up the courage to tell her it concerned me that she was building up a false reality and false expectations of her relationship with dad and it concerned me.
now a few years later.. she still reads romance novels but the one that are not filled with so many false hopes.. But I'm still praying about that one... I hope one day she will be the one I turn to with questions about the Bible. With the amount of reading she does... Wow.. She would know so much very quickly..
Then there was the day that I could not ever deny again the thought that my Mother did not love me...It was a day of Gods intervention.. I was have some really tough self-esteem issues and just had to get away, so I grabbed my guitar and my binder of music and headed off to a park just past Waverly..
When I got there my emotions continued to get the best of me and I ended up in sobs..
I called my mom searching desperately for God and hope..
Mom told me to "Shut Up" ... at first I was like what.. then she continued.. "You are my daughter and you are valuable" Shut Up! Stop it. You are valuable" ... Or something to that affect.. For the first time in my life.. aside from a time when I was a freshman my mother started crying after something she found out I was doing.. but I knew that she loved me..
She cared enough to tell me to Shut Up.
... I sobbed even more...
In a later conversation my mother also told me that she would love me and be there for me no matter what the situation.. Even if I had gotten drunk and needed help or ended up coming home pregnant she would be there...
Wow.. Mom really loved me.. :)
After those happenings I spent 3 months in Tennessee (summer 07) and well almost every time I talked to mom I was in tears.. I was in a relationship at the time and it kept going well then bad.. I missed him desperately and was frustrated because I had though we would have been married or at least engaged by then and didnt understand why he was not committed... talk about frustrating.. (that relationship is over now and he is married to another.. long story short.. he didn't waste much time)
During that time I began to see Mom as more of a friend. :)
So now Mom and I get along well.. how about me and Dad?... well not so much..
Dad and mostly argued about Matt and Church theology..
I thought Dad needed to make more time to spend with Matthew.. I knew that spending time with Dad made me feel loved and assumed it would with Matt too..
After a night going to youth group after Chris broke up with me I learned that Matt primary love language is quality time.. He told me that it was really nice spending more time with me.. (Chris was no longer around... I was in pieces and leaned on Matt to help me through the youth group I was leading)
Matt liked spending time with me.. Quality Time... then his other is Physical Touch.. he sits on me all the time.. which is ok, because we share the same love languages.. :) I understand my bro.
So I would try and explain Matt's love language to my Dad and encourage him to spend more time with him... most of the time I was frustrated by the end of the night because it felt like I was being ignored.. When he complained about the things that Matt does.. Like taking about pieces of the Jimmy.. Matt loves working on cars.. Dad would rather spend tons of money to have it fixed instead of letting Matt tinker with it and see if he could fix it..
I wanted Dad to encourage Matt to continue doing something he liked... Aeromechanics’.. despite how much Dad hated the idea.. I reasoned it would really show him you love and support him..
So dad and I argued..
Then a bit after Chris broke up with me I moved in with a friend in Waverly.. one night Dad and I were taking a walk around Waverly and I was really down about having my heart ripped out and then stabbed.. I think this was around the time that I learned he was engaged.. (about 2 months after breaking up with me) I was having a really hard time with it and well Dad doesn’t handle emotions very well.
He took me bowling... to avoid talking about it...
Well now after counseling.. yes I broke down and went to counseling.. Its really not bad.. I liked my counselor.. :) She loved having me come in and share my updates..
I was also very attentive in getting help from my Church.. Yes God lined that one up.. Thank you for giving me a caring Church before that all happened.. You are a wonderful God.
As you can see I very much dislike pain and wanted it to end ASAP... So I took every measure to figure out why this happened and how.. If I feel as if I'm being ignored.. I typically address the situation and want to discuss it.. (I felt ignored a lot by Chris) (he didn't seem to want to talk much either) (double the frustration)
Anyway back to Dad.. He took me bowling...
I knew my Dad was very bad about talking about emotional things.. but really..
Eh.. After getting to a point where I was drawing closer and closer to God and gaining more healing things went better.
Then a turning point for me with Dad was on my birthday.. He got me roses and a card.. I thought they were from Mom until she corrected me.
They were from Dad????? my Dad????? Wow...
Dad really does care.. He loves me. :)
Then a few things happened that I left my Dad out of for sake of saving ourselves from arguing about it..
These had to do with religion.. So my mothers side of the family believes in keeping the Sabbath (Saturday) the also do not eat "unclean meats" and also celebrate many of the festivals recorded in the Old Testament.. one of them being the Feast of Tabernacles..
I had always felt a separation between my immediate family and my mothers family and it frustrated me.. I wanted to know what the differences were and decided for myself if they were truly biblical or not..
I knew that my father had gone through a similar debate when he was seeking after my mother.. and I didn't want to argue about it..
Then I had also been considering moving to Detroit to help out my aunt and uncle with their children and to better understand their beliefs. I didn’t think this would go over very well with dad, so I didn’t talk about it much with him.. I talked to Mom.. I knew she would support me.
I knew Dad trusted me, but I also knew he was concerned for my well-being and my relationship with Christ..
He proved this to me when I got to Detroit by telling me to be careful that what Moms family believe was not what he had determined to be truth.. (something very similar to that)
Wow.. Dad cares.. and he Understands..
Then a phone conversation with my Dad arises from a question I pose to him about Spiritual Warfare.. It turns into at least an hour conversation about the logistical workings of the battle occurring in the heavenly realms concerning our spirits and more particularly the battle that takes place in the mind.. (The battlefield of the mind --Joyce Meyers -- Check it out..)
Ok.. so I can talk with Dad again about important faith based topics..
We also talked about the differences in how Mom's family saw things and compared them to our own personal beliefs.. Dad and I are very similar.. despite his more traditional view and my more charismatic view.. (Regardless I find myself sounding more like him everyday.. ) (Lord Willing)
Then Christmas time comes.. I meet up with a friend of mine from Mass.. and we go back to Iowa together.. Some very deep and personal things are on my heart and I know that God wants me to be an open book with my family.. God had confirmed that in many ways..
So leading up to my arrival home... I let my family know that I want to talk with them when I get there.. I am terrified that my family will not react well to the news I bring.. the Honest truth of an attack of Satan and my decision to ignore Gods warning signs..
So I muster the courage yet again to be honest with my family.. And I am completely dumbfounded by the results.. and it draws my family even closer..
But to my shock it also opens a door for my Father to be more emotional with me.. or so it seems. He understands my hurt and despair..
So now I'm back in Detroit.. and today my Father randomly calls me..
He seems to be in a very pleasant mood.. he seems happy.. and it also seems that he has really no reason to call.. which is not odd, but is odd for Dad at the same time.. but even more odd is that he seems unusually happy...
Of course I am thrilled to hear his voice.. even more thrilled to hear him sound happy!! and to make it even better.. Dad and I even start talking about Relationships...... Wait... yes I said Relationships!!! Wow... Dad talking about relationships... (Who are you and what have you done with my Dad??)
He even talked about a past relationship and why he broke it off.. Mainly because he saw that God was not part of their relationship and they rarely talked about the importance of God being the center of their relationship.. nor did they go to Church together.. the foundation of their relationship was build on sand and he knew it would crumble..
Now there I could relate... Wait a min... I can relate to my Dad... about a relationship...
This pointed out another reason my relationship with Chris failed.. He didn’t seem to care about us going to Church together.. he found one he liked and didn’t even ask my opinion about it.. (I saw underlying reasons why he liked it but that’s a different story.. and no longer needs to be discussed..)
But it was really nice again to be able to go back to the very beginning with my father.. back to the first thing that began the restoration process between my parents and I.. Inviting them into my love story.. They are very much a part of it.. and I love them for it.
Dad and I were able to talk today about things that are important to me. First off that my husband have a closer relationship with Christ than I do.. well the rest will follow suit.. and don't necessarily need to be discussed..
I love my Dad and I know my love story will be an amazing one. :)
Amen-- So be it -- Be it so.
Family, I love you!
Past the feelings..
How do I get past the thoughts the feelings, why am I so wrapped up.. Lord I need to rebind my heart.. Its already on the loose. Help me grasp it tight and let you write its story.
Thoughts flood my mind of when, where and how and everything that's attached.. I'm not ready yet.. Plain and simple.. Why does my mind continue to wonder...
Is there a future with him? He seems so certain there is..
How well does he really know you Lord? Does he share a vision with You?
How does he want to raise a family? What values does he have? What specific things are important to him? ... Dinner together.. Family nights... Does he care?
Can he support a family financially? Does he maintain a good relationship with my earthly father? Will he continue to be honest and treat me with respect?
Thoughts flood my mind of when, where and how and everything that's attached.. I'm not ready yet.. Plain and simple.. Why does my mind continue to wonder...
Is there a future with him? He seems so certain there is..
How well does he really know you Lord? Does he share a vision with You?
How does he want to raise a family? What values does he have? What specific things are important to him? ... Dinner together.. Family nights... Does he care?
Can he support a family financially? Does he maintain a good relationship with my earthly father? Will he continue to be honest and treat me with respect?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Truth
How to react.. I know God has a plan for LoveDetroit..
This will happen In this City.
Lord I ask that you draw close to me.
Draw Close.
At the moment I feel torn. A dear friend whom I love without understanding of reason is struggling with frustration of circumstances. I know very well he is also deeply desiring to be with me. Lord I pray you continue to give me discernment.
Over the last few weeks I have been going back and forth upon my feelings for him. I know I love him, I do not know why. Getting to know him better has shown me that he will be completly honest with me, but Lord that is not enough. He is not ready for a relationship and I feel as if we have skipped over my deep desire to have my families blessing. He knows this desire very well and Lord I thank you for my time with you this evening to again remind him. Although I wish him no more pain I must stand and say that I am not his. I am but Yours oh Lord. Despite the fact that I love him means nothing unless it is Your will oh Lord. Lord I pray that you meet David where he is and show him love, show him mercy, tame his frustration and anger. Lord over the last few weeks I have begun to see these things come from within him. Lord I pray You confront them and take captive his heart and transform him to be truly a son of God. Your beloved one.
Lord After talking with David I know where we are both weak and need your strength. Lord I know that if we were to see one another shortly it would be very difficult for him to remain composed considering his love for me... If it is truly real.. I know he will continue to desire to be with me.. Lord I wish not to hurt him, he is not prepared to be apart of a relationship despite how he wants to.
I wish not to hurt him, but for now you have shown me that David is not ready. Lord I also know that I am not ready for a relationship either. I know you have plans for me to unveil and that a man will only distract me from your vision for my life. I thank you for Davids acceptance understanding and support for this vision. Currently he is the only man I have met who believes that this is fully crafted by you. I do believe that you want me to continue to focus on the Vision.
If David is to be it will be revealed to me. Lord I lay this in Your hands. I let You prepare my love story. I know Your love will far surpass anything I could imagine. Help me to remain strong. If David is or is not to be it will be shown true. I thank you for you answer to me for now. Abide in You and know that You are God. I am to stay true to You vision for me and let go of David. He needs to draw close to You on his own. He has my support, but I can not draw close to You for him..
I need a man who's relationship with You is closer than mine.
This will happen In this City.
Lord I ask that you draw close to me.
Draw Close.
At the moment I feel torn. A dear friend whom I love without understanding of reason is struggling with frustration of circumstances. I know very well he is also deeply desiring to be with me. Lord I pray you continue to give me discernment.
Over the last few weeks I have been going back and forth upon my feelings for him. I know I love him, I do not know why. Getting to know him better has shown me that he will be completly honest with me, but Lord that is not enough. He is not ready for a relationship and I feel as if we have skipped over my deep desire to have my families blessing. He knows this desire very well and Lord I thank you for my time with you this evening to again remind him. Although I wish him no more pain I must stand and say that I am not his. I am but Yours oh Lord. Despite the fact that I love him means nothing unless it is Your will oh Lord. Lord I pray that you meet David where he is and show him love, show him mercy, tame his frustration and anger. Lord over the last few weeks I have begun to see these things come from within him. Lord I pray You confront them and take captive his heart and transform him to be truly a son of God. Your beloved one.
Lord After talking with David I know where we are both weak and need your strength. Lord I know that if we were to see one another shortly it would be very difficult for him to remain composed considering his love for me... If it is truly real.. I know he will continue to desire to be with me.. Lord I wish not to hurt him, he is not prepared to be apart of a relationship despite how he wants to.
I wish not to hurt him, but for now you have shown me that David is not ready. Lord I also know that I am not ready for a relationship either. I know you have plans for me to unveil and that a man will only distract me from your vision for my life. I thank you for Davids acceptance understanding and support for this vision. Currently he is the only man I have met who believes that this is fully crafted by you. I do believe that you want me to continue to focus on the Vision.
If David is to be it will be revealed to me. Lord I lay this in Your hands. I let You prepare my love story. I know Your love will far surpass anything I could imagine. Help me to remain strong. If David is or is not to be it will be shown true. I thank you for you answer to me for now. Abide in You and know that You are God. I am to stay true to You vision for me and let go of David. He needs to draw close to You on his own. He has my support, but I can not draw close to You for him..
I need a man who's relationship with You is closer than mine.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
LoveDetroit
Continuation of LoveDetroit!!
Wow God is good, every time I feel that I have hit a stone wall it seems I find more people with a similar passion. I know God has given me an amazing vision for the city of Detroit and I also know that It will come to pass!!
I was once told by a good friend... and this has been confirmed by many others that I am to write down my dreams and visions... This will keep them alive and uncluttered by anything Satan attempts to throw at me..
Well This Dream will come to pass, for it is far above me. Only God can see this through. I have no part. I only walk through Him that leads me. That for those of you who don't understand this is by placing myself on the Cross and letting Christ walk through me. Amen.
LoveDetroit!
The city of Detroit will soon as the city of Love. God wants to pour down His love on us and He will follow through.
When I was in College I had a huge desire to see Gods Army of Love come together as one body. I started an event called Unity Fest which was organized to bring people who love God together and better equip them to follow the Lord more intimately. Unfortunately at the time I was dealing with issues of selfishness and wanting to see things work out in my favor instead of God's... Not a good plan. I organized the event for two years, while I was at my community college. Then I transferred and took up a degree at the University of Northern Iowa in Programming Services Administration..
In the last 2 years my brother has been on me to start Unity Fest again.. well after I finished my degree at UNI I moved to live with my Aunt and Uncle in Detroit.. Previous to this My life had changed quite dramatically.. God has been moving in and revealing my insecurities and filling them with His blessings, Love and Grace. Amazingly enough I have been learning to listen and let go.
When I arrived to Detroit I was surprised to see that there were very few Christian Radio stations.. I felt deprived. I missed my connection that I had in Iowa.. When Coming In I felt that God would meet my need for Him in the absence..
Yes I know there are a few good radio stations.. but not as much variety as I was used to. Anyway...
Over the last several years I have been praying for God to show me what His will for me was...Within the last 2 months I have become convinced that God wants to Love on the people of Detroit. I love loving people. I see God coming in many ways, and I pray that I am not mistaken. I know that God wants to show Love to all of His people. I believe that He already is doing so and wants His people to come together and Love one another undivided.
Churches, God's people will learn to come together and love one another despite their differences. By the Thousands the city will reach out to the homeless the downtrodden show them kindness and Love them. Orphans will find that God truly values them as people. Young women will see that they are more precious then diamonds and will stop selling themselves for less. I'm one of them... I understand.. But God values us. Don't let yourself dwell on anything else. You are beautiful and wonderfully made. Men will also increase their ability to see the value of Women and treat and respect them accordingly.. As daughter of God. AMEN.
Likewise Women will treat men with respect and not fear. AMEN.
Wow the things that will happen. Marriages restored. AMEN. Corruption destroyed. AMEN. Love will be evident. AMEN. May God truly walk this vision and dream to reality. AMEN. So Be It. Be It So.
Wow God is good, every time I feel that I have hit a stone wall it seems I find more people with a similar passion. I know God has given me an amazing vision for the city of Detroit and I also know that It will come to pass!!
I was once told by a good friend... and this has been confirmed by many others that I am to write down my dreams and visions... This will keep them alive and uncluttered by anything Satan attempts to throw at me..
Well This Dream will come to pass, for it is far above me. Only God can see this through. I have no part. I only walk through Him that leads me. That for those of you who don't understand this is by placing myself on the Cross and letting Christ walk through me. Amen.
LoveDetroit!
The city of Detroit will soon as the city of Love. God wants to pour down His love on us and He will follow through.
When I was in College I had a huge desire to see Gods Army of Love come together as one body. I started an event called Unity Fest which was organized to bring people who love God together and better equip them to follow the Lord more intimately. Unfortunately at the time I was dealing with issues of selfishness and wanting to see things work out in my favor instead of God's... Not a good plan. I organized the event for two years, while I was at my community college. Then I transferred and took up a degree at the University of Northern Iowa in Programming Services Administration..
In the last 2 years my brother has been on me to start Unity Fest again.. well after I finished my degree at UNI I moved to live with my Aunt and Uncle in Detroit.. Previous to this My life had changed quite dramatically.. God has been moving in and revealing my insecurities and filling them with His blessings, Love and Grace. Amazingly enough I have been learning to listen and let go.
When I arrived to Detroit I was surprised to see that there were very few Christian Radio stations.. I felt deprived. I missed my connection that I had in Iowa.. When Coming In I felt that God would meet my need for Him in the absence..
Yes I know there are a few good radio stations.. but not as much variety as I was used to. Anyway...
Over the last several years I have been praying for God to show me what His will for me was...Within the last 2 months I have become convinced that God wants to Love on the people of Detroit. I love loving people. I see God coming in many ways, and I pray that I am not mistaken. I know that God wants to show Love to all of His people. I believe that He already is doing so and wants His people to come together and Love one another undivided.
Churches, God's people will learn to come together and love one another despite their differences. By the Thousands the city will reach out to the homeless the downtrodden show them kindness and Love them. Orphans will find that God truly values them as people. Young women will see that they are more precious then diamonds and will stop selling themselves for less. I'm one of them... I understand.. But God values us. Don't let yourself dwell on anything else. You are beautiful and wonderfully made. Men will also increase their ability to see the value of Women and treat and respect them accordingly.. As daughter of God. AMEN.
Likewise Women will treat men with respect and not fear. AMEN.
Wow the things that will happen. Marriages restored. AMEN. Corruption destroyed. AMEN. Love will be evident. AMEN. May God truly walk this vision and dream to reality. AMEN. So Be It. Be It So.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Steve
Yesterday
11:46pmSteve
btw the bible was formed by the church....
11:46pmMichelle
The bible is a reflection of Love.
I don't see that as any real relation to Love.
11:47pmSteve
there are other books that were to be canonized but they werent because they conflicted with the churches view...
sorry back to jesus...here is my view on him....
11:48pmMichelle
I didn't say I agreed with completely with the Church. All I know is that When I asked Jesus into my heart my life flipped on a dime
I went from wanting to jump on a random hot guy to see the fact that I had a reason to live.
There is no denying the Love of my Savior in my life.
11:51pmMichelle
time and time again my prayers have been answered specifically the way I prayed them
I can not even question the idea of that being a random occurance
11:55pmSteve
i have no doubt tat a man named jesus lived on this earth. i have no doubt that he changed the world drastically. but what do we know about him? nothing really...we first read about him as an infant. then we read about him as a 12 year old...then suddenly jesus is 30 years old. what happened from the ages of 12 to 30? is it concievable that jesus was a regular teenager with regular desires and hormones? in my opinon yes it is possible. but that would make him imperfect wouldnt it? so why pu t that into the bible? becaus it would contradict the bibles version of jesus and if the bible is gods word, then contradicting the bible would undo god really...basic dogma really...good movie we should c it again....hmmmmmmm
btw somehow all that made sense in my mind...
11:57pmMichelle
why are allagators not mentioned in the bible either...
Does everything have to be explained?
What is the definition of Faith?
11:57pmSteve
it shud be...or at least to a degree where we can figure the rest out fr ourselves
11:58pmMichelle
Seriously.. you want to read every aspect of a random animals life? Is it really all that important.
What is Faith?
Today
12:00amSteve
to put your full trust in something...
whether it be a chair or a god...
12:00amMichelle
Believing without seeing.
12:01amSteve
ithink god is pissed with us...
12:01amMichelle
I accept the fact the if everything were documented and agreed on then there would be no purpose for life on earth.
I wonder why.. the majority of people have completely shattered his people and His name with it.
12:04amSteve
well yeh i spose but i was drawing my conclusion that he doesnt talk to us like he used to. apparently we are just fucked up descendents of people he used to love...pardon my language ma'am
12:05amMichelle
lol... No He talks to us.. We just have to listen
I can tell you that I have had some amazing times with God.
I know you believe me, wither you want to or not.
12:06amSteve
to an extent yes...
but there HAS TO BE MORE!
12:07amMichelle
If you want to hear from God, find people who enjoy spending time with Him
If you start meeting with others and truly desire to get closer to God personally.. Truly desire.. God will come to you.
does he who asks for bread receive a snake? ... No
12:09amSteve
what about the universe though?
12:10amMichelle
What about it?
12:10amSteve
well he created the universe right?
12:10amMichelle
Can't God make something for its beauty?
12:11amSteve
everything has a purpose...
12:12amMichelle
yep. I personally enjoy celebrating in the beauty that surrounds me.
12:12amSteve
and the universe is infinitly huge right?
12:13amMichelle
yep.. But isn't God
I once heard and I believe it, that Explain God to a human is like attempting to explain the internet to an ant.... I don't even understand how it works.
it just exists.. Thats Faith
12:18amSteve
and yet we are arrogant enough to think we are the only ones created in his image...trillions of planets in trillions of star systems in trillions of galaxys. are you saying that we are the only planet in the whole universe that can sustain intelligent life? or just life at all? seems like a big waste of space if so...
12:19amMichelle
not really.
We are highly favored. Why would God want to create more competition?
We already have enough
by that I mean war between one another.
12:21amSteve
well then that was just plain stupid of him....those resources are going to be wasted and no intelligent being would waste such vauble resources...
12:22amMichelle
I disagree. but I am heading out for the night.
Leaving the office with my Aunt.
12:22amSteve
wait a minute...uve been at work this whole time?!!?!?
12:23amMichelle
No... I've been in the office while my aunt was at work
We talked on the way here and I just filled out a bunch of random surverys waiting to leave
12:24amSteve
oh isee well have fun tonight. talk to you next year
12:24amMichelle
it is next year
well at least here
Night.
12:25amSteve
detroit is in the next time zone?
12:25amMichelle
yep
Night
1:42amSteve is offline.
11:46pmSteve
btw the bible was formed by the church....
11:46pmMichelle
The bible is a reflection of Love.
I don't see that as any real relation to Love.
11:47pmSteve
there are other books that were to be canonized but they werent because they conflicted with the churches view...
sorry back to jesus...here is my view on him....
11:48pmMichelle
I didn't say I agreed with completely with the Church. All I know is that When I asked Jesus into my heart my life flipped on a dime
I went from wanting to jump on a random hot guy to see the fact that I had a reason to live.
There is no denying the Love of my Savior in my life.
11:51pmMichelle
time and time again my prayers have been answered specifically the way I prayed them
I can not even question the idea of that being a random occurance
11:55pmSteve
i have no doubt tat a man named jesus lived on this earth. i have no doubt that he changed the world drastically. but what do we know about him? nothing really...we first read about him as an infant. then we read about him as a 12 year old...then suddenly jesus is 30 years old. what happened from the ages of 12 to 30? is it concievable that jesus was a regular teenager with regular desires and hormones? in my opinon yes it is possible. but that would make him imperfect wouldnt it? so why pu t that into the bible? becaus it would contradict the bibles version of jesus and if the bible is gods word, then contradicting the bible would undo god really...basic dogma really...good movie we should c it again....hmmmmmmm
btw somehow all that made sense in my mind...
11:57pmMichelle
why are allagators not mentioned in the bible either...
Does everything have to be explained?
What is the definition of Faith?
11:57pmSteve
it shud be...or at least to a degree where we can figure the rest out fr ourselves
11:58pmMichelle
Seriously.. you want to read every aspect of a random animals life? Is it really all that important.
What is Faith?
Today
12:00amSteve
to put your full trust in something...
whether it be a chair or a god...
12:00amMichelle
Believing without seeing.
12:01amSteve
ithink god is pissed with us...
12:01amMichelle
I accept the fact the if everything were documented and agreed on then there would be no purpose for life on earth.
I wonder why.. the majority of people have completely shattered his people and His name with it.
12:04amSteve
well yeh i spose but i was drawing my conclusion that he doesnt talk to us like he used to. apparently we are just fucked up descendents of people he used to love...pardon my language ma'am
12:05amMichelle
lol... No He talks to us.. We just have to listen
I can tell you that I have had some amazing times with God.
I know you believe me, wither you want to or not.
12:06amSteve
to an extent yes...
but there HAS TO BE MORE!
12:07amMichelle
If you want to hear from God, find people who enjoy spending time with Him
If you start meeting with others and truly desire to get closer to God personally.. Truly desire.. God will come to you.
does he who asks for bread receive a snake? ... No
12:09amSteve
what about the universe though?
12:10amMichelle
What about it?
12:10amSteve
well he created the universe right?
12:10amMichelle
Can't God make something for its beauty?
12:11amSteve
everything has a purpose...
12:12amMichelle
yep. I personally enjoy celebrating in the beauty that surrounds me.
12:12amSteve
and the universe is infinitly huge right?
12:13amMichelle
yep.. But isn't God
I once heard and I believe it, that Explain God to a human is like attempting to explain the internet to an ant.... I don't even understand how it works.
it just exists.. Thats Faith
12:18amSteve
and yet we are arrogant enough to think we are the only ones created in his image...trillions of planets in trillions of star systems in trillions of galaxys. are you saying that we are the only planet in the whole universe that can sustain intelligent life? or just life at all? seems like a big waste of space if so...
12:19amMichelle
not really.
We are highly favored. Why would God want to create more competition?
We already have enough
by that I mean war between one another.
12:21amSteve
well then that was just plain stupid of him....those resources are going to be wasted and no intelligent being would waste such vauble resources...
12:22amMichelle
I disagree. but I am heading out for the night.
Leaving the office with my Aunt.
12:22amSteve
wait a minute...uve been at work this whole time?!!?!?
12:23amMichelle
No... I've been in the office while my aunt was at work
We talked on the way here and I just filled out a bunch of random surverys waiting to leave
12:24amSteve
oh isee well have fun tonight. talk to you next year
12:24amMichelle
it is next year
well at least here
Night.
12:25amSteve
detroit is in the next time zone?
12:25amMichelle
yep
Night
1:42amSteve is offline.
more
Almost there?
Just arrived.. Smells more stale than I remember.
Sorrow Lasts for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Our days are not the same length as Gods. I love putting babies to sleep. Big ones too :) Hugs.
Grr. I even over estimated the comphy factor of this bed. Steves couch was a lot better.
I understand that one I slept on my parents couch for a year because every bed they had for me hurt my back. The one at Duane's is by far the best I've slept in.
You callin me a baby? :P
Only if you like it.
I'd rather be your baby than anyone elses :)
:) that could be arranged. With my families permission first though. :) reguardless of how I love you, I still want their blessings.
Of course. And we both know my family loves you :) my sisters would prolly love to play with you again.
:) it would be my pleasure.
Back at ya.
Andra may be in the hospital for quite a while if she has another stone. Please pray for her. I am very glad I got back when I did nd that the baby will be ok.
If she has another stone she will have to have surgery and get her gull bladder removed. She may be inrecover up to a month. if she ends up delivering as well we are not sure how long she will be there. Baby is 28 weeks so he will be fine as a prem, full term is around 36 weeks. Apparently gull stones are passed down.. My mothers mom has had hers removed, my mother also, now my Moms youngest sister.. and her other sister is getting checked soon. I don't think I am currentlu under medical, but I may be something I face in the future. God will take care of me. I'm glad to be aware of it though and hey im getting a good motherhood experience in the process. Abreana has been really good for me so far.
Ill be praying for all of you. I hope nothing happens.. Especially to you..
Pray especially for Abreanna. She just woke up from a nap. Before long she will miss mommy terribly.
Yea she will.. But she will have you, right?
Yea. She is young and she knows the diference. Andra and I don't want her to get confused. I can be a second mom to her, but I'm not her mom.
True
I'm not about lying to or confusing anyone. Its just not me.
She just gave me one og the biggest little hugs Ive ever had. :) Heart Melts
Blahh.. I wanna go home
Which One?
Home is where the heart is :)
So where is that?
Anywhere with you
I like hearing you explain things like that. Sorry if you get annoyed with me wanting you to explain further all the time.
With other people, it does tend to get on my nerves... But not with you.
I love hearing those kind of details! They make me feel 10 times more loved.
I wish I could tell you exactly how I feel... but I dont think words that incredible even exist.
:) well I could listen to you try until the end of the world and love every second of it.
:)
I love this I'm the first one she has gone on the toilet for! My count is 3 and one well close but not quite with a bath. I'm so proud.
Pokey
:)
How are ya?
Tired
Still
:)
I'm up now.. I was awake early Abreanna was moving a lot. I prefered her not scream so I moved her to my room.
Poke. :) Smiles :)
HeHe
Its really snowing Five inches already
Huh. Oddles of fun
Poke
:) I Miss you more than I thought I would :(
As do I..
It still amazes me how fast things moved between us...
Well it started how many years ago?
True.. How long were you holding back your emotions, and why?
Let me get home before I answer.
k.
Ill send you my response in hopefully an hour. I want to send it all at once. Then let you respond. I think things work better that way. I hope you agree.
I want you to do what you feel is right.
I told you I loved you in High School. Afterward everything happened between you and Kirsten. I let it go, but still loved you, with no clue why, I just did. Then this past week.. I wanted to know that you were not trying to get close to me to just get close to me. So I had to tell you no. Had I not we may have done so many things I would have regreted. I know its true. I still cared about you I wasnt really sure I still loved you. So I said no. Friday Night I told you I loved you without even thinking about it, then added as a brother.. Thats when I started really questioning. Then I couldn't sleep Saturday night. I wanted to know how you felt about me, but I wasnt sure you were going to tell me what you may have thought I wanted to hear or run away again. I still don't know Why I love you I just do. But after being in Chicago and talking about our passions and learning that you supported me. Well that means a lot to me. Then knowing that you have passions too. I don't want you to give up on those. It didn't seem that even if I wanted to see it work we would ultimately have to sacrifice our dreams or each other. I don't want either of those. There is the possibility that we would compliment our dreams well. I didn't want to risk it. Then Saturday night sat up thinking about everything and well I cant lie about my feelings, but wanted to see if you would say something first ignoring my "No". You seemed to have something bothering you but you wouldn't tell me so I asked how you felt about me, and then I told you how I felt. I'm still really not sure about everything. All I know is that I love you. I don't know why, but I do. I dont ever want to hurt you. I think thats all for now.
Wow... That was pretty intense.. I dont even know how to reply...
I get detailed.
And I love it. Its probably a big part of why I love you so much.. You tell me what I need to hear, how I'll hear it best...
I miss you and love you but Im not willing to do things aside from God's plan.
I completly understan. And You have my full support following whatever visions God give you
I know thats what makes me love and respect you all the more.
I love you so much more than I can discribe.. I wish I could be with you right now..
I want to know beyond know that everything is right.
I felt more right holding you than Ive ever felt before..
:) Are you positive its right?
I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
:) So what does that mean for the Future or should I not question it?
I honestly dont know.. But I have a gut feeling God will bring our paths together again.
So what does that mean for now?
We follow the paths God puts in front of us. My love for you will never die, nor my desire to see you follow your visions.
That makes me want to be with you even more. The fact that you understand and encourage me to walk with God. I cant think of a way to even ask for more love.
I have a feeling youll get it anyway :)
:) You would. :) I like it.
Hugs I love you
:)
Poke
:) Ya Know what?
Whaaaat?
I think I like you a little bit. Yea I think I do. ;) :) Cheesy Smile.
Awwww.. You like me? You really life me?
Are you ok with that?
Hmmm... I think I am :)
:)
I'm in a cuddly mood
Don't even tell me that.. Sad Panda.
Hugs Im with you in heart
:) I suppose
YAY
:P
Poke.
Just arrived.. Smells more stale than I remember.
Sorrow Lasts for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Our days are not the same length as Gods. I love putting babies to sleep. Big ones too :) Hugs.
Grr. I even over estimated the comphy factor of this bed. Steves couch was a lot better.
I understand that one I slept on my parents couch for a year because every bed they had for me hurt my back. The one at Duane's is by far the best I've slept in.
You callin me a baby? :P
Only if you like it.
I'd rather be your baby than anyone elses :)
:) that could be arranged. With my families permission first though. :) reguardless of how I love you, I still want their blessings.
Of course. And we both know my family loves you :) my sisters would prolly love to play with you again.
:) it would be my pleasure.
Back at ya.
Andra may be in the hospital for quite a while if she has another stone. Please pray for her. I am very glad I got back when I did nd that the baby will be ok.
If she has another stone she will have to have surgery and get her gull bladder removed. She may be inrecover up to a month. if she ends up delivering as well we are not sure how long she will be there. Baby is 28 weeks so he will be fine as a prem, full term is around 36 weeks. Apparently gull stones are passed down.. My mothers mom has had hers removed, my mother also, now my Moms youngest sister.. and her other sister is getting checked soon. I don't think I am currentlu under medical, but I may be something I face in the future. God will take care of me. I'm glad to be aware of it though and hey im getting a good motherhood experience in the process. Abreana has been really good for me so far.
Ill be praying for all of you. I hope nothing happens.. Especially to you..
Pray especially for Abreanna. She just woke up from a nap. Before long she will miss mommy terribly.
Yea she will.. But she will have you, right?
Yea. She is young and she knows the diference. Andra and I don't want her to get confused. I can be a second mom to her, but I'm not her mom.
True
I'm not about lying to or confusing anyone. Its just not me.
She just gave me one og the biggest little hugs Ive ever had. :) Heart Melts
Blahh.. I wanna go home
Which One?
Home is where the heart is :)
So where is that?
Anywhere with you
I like hearing you explain things like that. Sorry if you get annoyed with me wanting you to explain further all the time.
With other people, it does tend to get on my nerves... But not with you.
I love hearing those kind of details! They make me feel 10 times more loved.
I wish I could tell you exactly how I feel... but I dont think words that incredible even exist.
:) well I could listen to you try until the end of the world and love every second of it.
:)
I love this I'm the first one she has gone on the toilet for! My count is 3 and one well close but not quite with a bath. I'm so proud.
Pokey
:)
How are ya?
Tired
Still
:)
I'm up now.. I was awake early Abreanna was moving a lot. I prefered her not scream so I moved her to my room.
Poke. :) Smiles :)
HeHe
Its really snowing Five inches already
Huh. Oddles of fun
Poke
:) I Miss you more than I thought I would :(
As do I..
It still amazes me how fast things moved between us...
Well it started how many years ago?
True.. How long were you holding back your emotions, and why?
Let me get home before I answer.
k.
Ill send you my response in hopefully an hour. I want to send it all at once. Then let you respond. I think things work better that way. I hope you agree.
I want you to do what you feel is right.
I told you I loved you in High School. Afterward everything happened between you and Kirsten. I let it go, but still loved you, with no clue why, I just did. Then this past week.. I wanted to know that you were not trying to get close to me to just get close to me. So I had to tell you no. Had I not we may have done so many things I would have regreted. I know its true. I still cared about you I wasnt really sure I still loved you. So I said no. Friday Night I told you I loved you without even thinking about it, then added as a brother.. Thats when I started really questioning. Then I couldn't sleep Saturday night. I wanted to know how you felt about me, but I wasnt sure you were going to tell me what you may have thought I wanted to hear or run away again. I still don't know Why I love you I just do. But after being in Chicago and talking about our passions and learning that you supported me. Well that means a lot to me. Then knowing that you have passions too. I don't want you to give up on those. It didn't seem that even if I wanted to see it work we would ultimately have to sacrifice our dreams or each other. I don't want either of those. There is the possibility that we would compliment our dreams well. I didn't want to risk it. Then Saturday night sat up thinking about everything and well I cant lie about my feelings, but wanted to see if you would say something first ignoring my "No". You seemed to have something bothering you but you wouldn't tell me so I asked how you felt about me, and then I told you how I felt. I'm still really not sure about everything. All I know is that I love you. I don't know why, but I do. I dont ever want to hurt you. I think thats all for now.
Wow... That was pretty intense.. I dont even know how to reply...
I get detailed.
And I love it. Its probably a big part of why I love you so much.. You tell me what I need to hear, how I'll hear it best...
I miss you and love you but Im not willing to do things aside from God's plan.
I completly understan. And You have my full support following whatever visions God give you
I know thats what makes me love and respect you all the more.
I love you so much more than I can discribe.. I wish I could be with you right now..
I want to know beyond know that everything is right.
I felt more right holding you than Ive ever felt before..
:) Are you positive its right?
I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
:) So what does that mean for the Future or should I not question it?
I honestly dont know.. But I have a gut feeling God will bring our paths together again.
So what does that mean for now?
We follow the paths God puts in front of us. My love for you will never die, nor my desire to see you follow your visions.
That makes me want to be with you even more. The fact that you understand and encourage me to walk with God. I cant think of a way to even ask for more love.
I have a feeling youll get it anyway :)
:) You would. :) I like it.
Hugs I love you
:)
Poke
:) Ya Know what?
Whaaaat?
I think I like you a little bit. Yea I think I do. ;) :) Cheesy Smile.
Awwww.. You like me? You really life me?
Are you ok with that?
Hmmm... I think I am :)
:)
I'm in a cuddly mood
Don't even tell me that.. Sad Panda.
Hugs Im with you in heart
:) I suppose
YAY
:P
Poke.
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